Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
