you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
