i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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