I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
