i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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