JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
