The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
