Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
