just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
