and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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