Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
