i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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