I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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