yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
