Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
