Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
