it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
