Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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