i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
