she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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