you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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