I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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