I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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