oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
