there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
