I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
