I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
