He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
