hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
