That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
