I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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