just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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