It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
