how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
