This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
