oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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