I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
