Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
