There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
