Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
