You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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