I wanna bring you to show and tell
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
