I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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