It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
