She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
