i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
