you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
