Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
there is glitter all over my balls
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