i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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