When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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