the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
